i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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