The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
