i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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