Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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