i would punch a child for taco bell
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
