It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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