dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize