I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
