I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
