just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
