the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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