So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
