Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
