i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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