just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
