Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
