you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Randomize
