Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
