i already hear my dad disowning me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
