I CAN MOONWALK!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
