He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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