She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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