I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize