tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
