The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
