walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
