Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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