I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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