I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
