Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
