Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
