the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
