you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
