Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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