You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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