I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
