just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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