You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
