Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
