People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
