you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
