Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
