the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
