I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
