The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
