I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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