just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
