so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
