I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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