walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
