the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
