sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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