As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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