make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
