Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
