Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
