Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
