dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I need moral support for this bender
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
