you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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