maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
