you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I want a musical about memes.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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