fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
