an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
