I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
