Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
